Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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