Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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