cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
