I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
