Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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