life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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