I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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