just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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