it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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