I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
