I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
