I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
