You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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