I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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