what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
