I'm jealous of your bromance
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
