Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
