Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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