i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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