They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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