how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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