dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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