I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
