Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
