I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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