just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
