The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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