woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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