he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
