I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
