I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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