areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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