I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
