just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
