Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
