Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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