i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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