i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
