Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
