the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am mentally ready for anal.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
