I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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