dude i'm inner monologue high
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
