oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
