A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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