We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
