3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize