Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
