Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
