I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
