The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
