i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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