My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
