If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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