wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
