What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
