When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
