but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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