I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
