hell yes lets make some ravioli
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
