I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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