i already hear my dad disowning me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
