I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
