I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
