A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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