I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
