Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
