I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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